i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
