I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
