i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
