I want to have your abortion
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize