I need help removing her.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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