So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
