I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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