U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
