Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
