before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
