I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
