I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
