You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
