that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Princesses don't give blow jobs
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
