God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
