So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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