Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Houston, we have a blender
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
