Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
