I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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