Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize