For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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