It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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