he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
