i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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