Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
