I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
