i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
