So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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