a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
