i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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