in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
