Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
