Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My ATM looks so different sober.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
