sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
