There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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