capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have aggressive nipples.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
