This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
