she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
