The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
