And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
