is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
