You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
