Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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