I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
