the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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