why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
