Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
