that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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