why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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