You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
