No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
