it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
