Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
