you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't deserve a penis
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize