She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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