i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
