yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
