You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
