So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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