high people should be assigned attendants
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
