dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize