Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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