We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
