I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
