Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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