just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
