I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
