I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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