he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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